Argumentative Essay Is Utilitarianism a ‘universalist’ and ‘impartialist’ theory Essay Example

Argumentative Essay: Is Utilitarianism a ‘universalist’ and ‘impartialist’ theory? Essay While Utilitarianism as a practical philosophy can find application in affairs of democratic policy making and economics, its stature are a satisfactory system of morality is contested. The scholarly consensus as of date is that Utilitarianism is a partial system of morality and is somewhat inadequate on account of its authors’ reluctance to front up to complexities of ethics. Utilitarianism asserts that ‘It is morally good to act for the general happiness.’ As this assessment is taken at face value by most, the salient critical question is ‘What is it that is morally not good, which stands in opposition to this?’ In answering this question proponents say, ‘acting for unhappiness’. (Grote 123) Utilitarian moral philosophy thus has for its subject the ascertaining of what happiness is, which is placed in polar opposition to unhappiness. Having found what constitutes happiness, the philosophy strives to device methods to achieve that end. B ut real life experiences and events are not strictly broken into these clear-cut dichotomies and therein lie the major objection to Utilitarianism’s veracity as a ethical theory. The following passages will explain the two central concepts of ‘impartiality’ and ‘universality’ and identify their shortcomings for application in practical ethics. The founding texts of Utilitarianism think of it as inherently ethical. For example, deriving from post-revolutionary French thought, especially that of Helvetius, Godwin asserted that â€Å"Morality is that system of conduct which is determined by a consideration of the greatest general good.† (Godwin, as quoted in Scarre 67) The founding doctrine also makes it clear that the two pillars of ‘impartiality’ and ‘universality’ especially add to its ethical soundness. Utilitarianism espouses the principle of impartiality, to the extent that it places the happiness of all individuals in the community on par with each other. Moreover, it encourages constituent individuals in a group to see the virtue of valuing the happiness of others as much as theirs own. In other words, the expectation is to rise above the consideration of one’s own individual interests. Put as such, this principle sounds laudable. But as critics point out, there is plenty of sco pe for incorrect application of this principle, which could lead to adverse outcomes. For example, We will write a custom essay sample on Argumentative Essay: Is Utilitarianism a ‘universalist’ and ‘impartialist’ theory? specifically for you for only $16.38 $13.9/page Order now We will write a custom essay sample on Argumentative Essay: Is Utilitarianism a ‘universalist’ and ‘impartialist’ theory? specifically for you FOR ONLY $16.38 $13.9/page Hire Writer We will write a custom essay sample on Argumentative Essay: Is Utilitarianism a ‘universalist’ and ‘impartialist’ theory? specifically for you FOR ONLY $16.38 $13.9/page Hire Writer â€Å"In an action then which, in the truest and widest sense, we should call right or good, there is more than one sort of goodness. And unless we treat rightly this variety of rightness or goodness, our moral philosophy, whatever side we take, must be partial: and we shall not be able to argue against opponents of it without being in danger of arguing against something which, it is probable, an impartial and practical reader will consider morally proper.† (Grote 124) Even actions by individuals are mediated by this consideration for the greatest common good. The agent’s actions are never to enhance his/her own happiness, but that of all concerned. As John Stuart Mill himself clarifies in his treaties, â€Å"As between his own happiness and that of others, utilitarianism requires him to be as strictly impartial as a disinterested and benevolent spectator. In the golden rule of Jesus of Nazareth, we read the complete spirit of the ethics of utility. To do as you would be done by, and to love your neighbour as yourself, constitute the ideal perfection of utilitarian morality.† (Mill, as quoted by Grote 86) One of Utilitarianism’s notable critics is the famous legal theoretician, John Rawls. Rawls’ objection to the notion of impartiality arises from the philosophical system’s blanket application of its principles to the entire social plane. For example, just as an individual weighs the gains and losses in the preset against that estimated in the future, so a society could measure satisfactions and dissatisfactions between different individuals. And through this endeavor the principle of utility is applied in a natural way: â€Å"a society is properly arranged when its institutions maximize the net [or average] balance of satisfaction.† ((Rawls 1971:24), as quoted in Scarre 21). Universalism has been a historically significant feature in Utilitarian discourse. Of the central maxim of ‘the greatest happiness of the greatest number’, universalism concerns with the latter half, namely, ‘the greatest number’. As universalism seeks to promote the distribution of happiness as widely as possible, it can be deemed as an extension of the Enlightenment project, which too purports to expand the boundaries of moral concern. Utilitarians underscore the moral weight of this principle through this explication: â€Å"Any person, no matter how poor, or powerless, or socially marginal, no matter how remote from the centers of influence and privilege, may, by invoking moral principles, assert a claim or express a grievance in the language of a system to which nobody, however rich, powerful, or well-bred, may claim immunity† (Scheffler 1992:12, as quoted in Scarre 23). This rationale had such an intuitive appeal that universalism had become a pillar of Utilitarian philosophy by the middle of18th century. Such prominent intellectuals as Helvetius, had called on the government of France to create legislation that would â€Å"produce a happiness which was universelle as well as egale.† (Helvetius, as quoted in Crisp 13) Across the English channel, in Scotland, philosopher Francis Hutcheson proclaimed that â€Å"‘that action is best which secures the greatest happiness of the greatest number’† (Selby-Bigge, as quoted in (Crisp 14). The list of supporters also included criminal law thinker Cesare Beccaria. Jeremy Bentham spoke eloquently of how it is the duty of the government to â€Å"create a fabric of felicity by the hands of reason and law† (Bentham, as quoted in Crisp 14). John Stuart Mill even took the Biblical analogy in his defense of the ethical fortitude of universalism and by extension utilitarianism. (Scarre 23) In short, universalism states that each individual’s interests count equally, and thus in moral terms there is no segregation among the citizens. While universalism sounds self-evidently correct and beyond scrutiny, a rigorous analysis of all its implications will question this status. There is a simple technical reason why it is flawed, namely, we cannot logically pursue the double maximand of the greatest happiness of the greatest number of people, for we mostly confront situations where the choices are between â€Å"one action which will provide a lesser utility for a larger population and another which will produce a larger utility for a smaller number. In such circumstances it is not possible simultaneously to produce the greatest happiness and to benefit the greatest number.† (Crisp 18) Even Jeremy Bentham, one of the founding fathers of Utilitariansm, retrospectively acknowledged this problem and hence moderated the core principle to simply that of ‘greatest happiness’, forgoing the insistence on the ‘greatest number’. Works Cited †¢ Crisp, Roger. Routledge Philosophy Guidebook to Mill on Utilitarianism. London: Routledge, 1997. †¢ Grote, John. An Examination of the Utilitarian Philosophy. Bristol, England: Thoemmes, 1990. †¢ Scarre, Geoffrey. Utilitarianism. London: Routledge, 1996. .

Identifying Understanding Masculine Rhyme

Identifying Understanding Masculine Rhyme A masculine rhyme happens when a rhyme is on the final syllable of a wordthat syllable is stressed Green and Mean are masculine rhymes, as are Invest and Undressed, Import and Short, and Intrude and Food. In looking at masculine rhymes, we have two separate components: the rhyme, and the stress. Rhyme Rhymes are simply identical (or very similar) sounds. An okay rhyme is head and pet, since both share the same vowel sound, but head and bed are a closer rhyme, because they share a vowel and a consonant sound. Rhymes dont have to be from the same letters, either. As we see above, invest and undressed rhyme, even though one ends in -st and one in -ssed. Its not about the letters themselves; its all about the sound they make. Stress Stress is a little trickier to understand. In English, we dont put the same amount of emphasis on every syllable in a word. A syllable is stressed when we put emphasis on it- beCAUSE, CHATtering, RUSHes, perSIMMon. Those syllables that are not stressed are, not surprisingly, known as unstressed. A good way to figure out which syllables are stressed and unstressed in a word is to play around with emphasizing difference syllables. Does IMpossible sound the same as imPOSSible or imposs-I-ble or impossiBLE? Some words have more than one stressed syllable, although one is usually more stressed than the others- REconSIDer (where the third syllable is more stressed than the first). Words that are only one syllable are usually automatically stressed, although it depends on their context within a sentence. So, to have a masculine rhyme, we need two (or more) words that end with the same sounds, and both have stressed last syllables. Sink and Wink and Think are all masculine rhymes. As are Overdue and Debut, and Combine and Sign. Not Gendered As you can see, masculine rhyme has nothing to do with gender. The term was coined long enough ago that stressed syllables, more powerful than unstressed syllables, were equated with the masculine; words ending with unstressed syllables (like RUSHing, HEAVen, and PURple) are all considered feminine endings- when those kinds of words rhyme, its known as feminine rhyme. How to Identify Masculine Rhyme For the most part, once you know the rules of masculine rhymes, theyre pretty easy to spot. As long as the words in question rhyme in their final (or only) syllable, and that syllable is stressed, the rhyme is masculine. Check out the poetry excerpts below for examples of masculine rhyme. Examples From John Donnes Holy Sonnet XIV: Batter my heart, three-personed God, for youAs yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;That I may rise, and stand, o’erthrow me, and bendYour force to break, blow, burn, and make me new. So we have two rhymes here you/new and mend/bend. Since all of these words are one syllable long, they are automatically stressed. Rhyme? Check. Stressed syllable? Check. These are masculine rhymes. From On the Dangers of Open Water by Liz Wager: This beauty we dont understand will sweepus out to sea. We look for it belowour bows, but if we try to understandthe workings of that beauty we perceive,were driven mad by all we cannot know.We force ourselves to roam between the strandstill, like Narcissus, drown to find reprieve. Here, we have a couple different rhymes: below/know, understand/strands, perceive/reprieve. (While understand and strands are not perfect rhymes, theyre pretty close.) In this example, there are multi-syllable words: they all end with a stressed syllable- perCEIVE, rePRIEVE, and beLOW. Stressed final syllables? Yes. Rhymes? Yes. Another example of masculine rhyme. Why Do Poets Use Masculine Rhyme? In addition to knowing what masculine rhyme is, and how to identify it, its also helpful to understand why a poet might use it in a poem, or what masculine rhyme contributes to a poem. There are several ways to emphasize particular words in a poem. Placement in a line, stress, and rhyme all make words stand out. In the above examples, all the masculine rhymes occur at the end of the line; just by having that white space to their right, these words are more prominent, more visible. Our eyes linger on those final words before we move onto the next line. Stress, too, emphasizes a word; words like to, the, an, a, and, if, or, at, etc., are usually all unstressed in poetic lines, while stressed words have more meaning, more life. And, when words are rhymed, they stand out. The more times we hear a certain sound repeated, the more we pay attention to that sound- just think about the poetry of Dr. Seuss! So, having masculine rhymes (especially those at the end of lines) help a poet to really emphasize the important words of a poem. Whether a reader realizes it or not, stressed syllables and words tend to stick in our memories better, as do the repetition of sounds that we find in rhyme. So, the next time you read a poem that incorporates rhyme (such as a sonnet or a pantoum), check to see if it is making use of masculine rhyme, and how that use is impacting your reading experience.

Humans Are Determined Essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 1250 words

Humans Are Determined - Essay Example (Nithyananda, 2007,p. 101) The sage said that free will is something which a man is not born with and it was never something that man had struggled to win over. It has been gifted to man, by God, willingly, so that man can be morally responsible for all his deeds. Thus, in the mortal life, a man has to continuously face ‘prarabdha’ i.e. accumulated fate and only God and Guru have the power to save anyone if they wish. (Sen, 2010). So, if we go by the teachings of Paramhansa and as well as by all other great teachers of life, we tend to ask ourselves one very important question like â€Å"is it impossible for us to be free?† The renowned philosopher, D’Holbach for example has said that a man’s life is completely dictated by Nature and he has no role in it except to draw the line on the surface of the Earth which he has been asked to draw. He considered mythology as a reflection of Nature itself. According to him whatever a man does, whatever he thinks, we wishes for are the reflections of those properties which have been given into him by Nature and of those situations in which Nature has positioned him. Nature sends a man naked on this earth. The man quickly learns to cover himself, find food and shelter for himself and also to take care of other requisites. Each and every step taken by a man to sustain himself on this earth can be perceived as a long series of cause and effect. This can be called as the development of the first impulse given to him by none other than Nature itself. Nature operates through laws which are universal. Man must penetrate the secrets of Nature through his sens es, and must experience Nature to the fullest. Whenever he avoids drawing experience or gets diverted from his path, he falls into the pool of ignorance and suffering. It was the intention of Nature to give man the full happiness of freedom through all the attributes Nature has bestowed man with. However, that required searching

Legalizing Marijuana, Pro Essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 1000 words

Legalizing Marijuana, Pro - Essay Example Medical science has adopted a cautious approach while dealing with the issues related to legalization of marijuana. In other words, medical science neither completely opposes, nor it completely opposes the legalization of marijuana use in America. This is because of the fact that controlled use of marijuana may bring more benefits than harm. Patients who are suffering from chronic pain may be benefitted, if they are allowed to take marijuana in a controlled manner. This paper critically analyses all the dimensions of this controversial topic and argues in favor of legalizing of marijuana in America. Marijuana use is legal in fourteen American states at present. â€Å"The 14 states that have legalized marijuana for medicinal purposes are Alaska, California, Colorado, Hawaii, Maine, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Jersey, New Mexico, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont, and Washington†(Hall & Schiefelbein, p.197). It would be illogical to argue that these states legalized marijuana use without a deep study. In other words, these states might have conducted many studies before legalizing the usage of marijuana in their territories. â€Å"The cannabinoid drug THC has been approved by Food and Drug Administration for use in relieving nausea and vomiting and increasing appetite in people with cancer and AIDS. Testing of other marijuana extracts is still in the early stages† (Find support and treatment). ... A pure preparation of the major active component, delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), Marinol or dronabinol, is available for treating nausea and vomiting associated with cancer chemotherapy and as an adjunct to weight loss in patients with wasting syndrome associated with AIDS. Although such approval currently applies only to orally administered THC, for practical purposes smoked marijuana should also be expected to be equally effective (Holister, p.5). The acceptance of marijuana among American people is growing day by day. â€Å"A recent Gallup poll found that a historic high of 46 per cent of Americans favor legalizing the drug† (Abramsky, p.18). Under such circumstances, prohibition of marijuana force people to collect marijuana from illegal sources. Collection of marijuana from illegal sources may cause huge taxes to the government. Clements et al (2010, p.20) pointed out that â€Å"taxing marijuana at the same rate as tobacco is estimated to yield additional revenue of about 24% of the pre-existing proceeds from taxation of tobacco and alcohol†. A recent study estimates that a state could collect tax revenues in the $650 million to $760 million range, if marijuana use is legalized. Moreover, law enforcement costs would decline by several hundred million dollars per year while legalizing marijuana (Abramsky, p.18). From the above findings, it is evident that legalizing of marijuana would help a government to increase tax revenue and reduce expenditure for the law enforcements. It should be noted that plenty of efforts and resources are necessary for the government to seize illegal marijuana collections and to enforce the law. Such expenditure can be avoided

Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) and Guillain-Barre Syndrome (GBS)

Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) and Guillain-Barre Syndrome (GBS) Inflammation is a protective reaction associated with vascular tissues in response to different stimuli such as irritants and pathogens. In addition, other causes of inflammation may include physical injuries and immune reactions on body cells and tissues. Therefore, inflammatory reactions serve to eliminate the stimuli and start the process of healing on damaged cells, tissues, and organs (Ferrero-Miliani et al., 2007, p. 227). Conversely, these inflammatory reactions can be chronic or acute. This essay presents the etiology, pathogenesis, diagnosis, clinical manifestations, prognosis, and the treatment of Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) and Guillain-Barre Syndrome (GBS). Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) Scenario: 45 years old woman started with severe pain in her hands and feet. She noticed that she could not shake her wrists whilst she was doing PE with her students in the gym. About 2 month later, when she was working in her yard, the pain became even more pronounced. She was digging the yard for make a path way. The garden working was difficult to do because every day her feet hurt and the strength in her hands was so reduced that even lifting a large boiling pot in the staff kitchen was difficult. At night times she put her hands under her pillow to try to reduce the pain so that she could sleep. Chronic immune inflammatory reactions can occur on synovial tissues in response to the synovitis, synovial cells, and the accumulated synovial fluid in the joints. This type of autoimmunity causes Rheumatoid arthritis (Majithia Geraci, 2007). The symptoms of RA are not only limited to the articular regions but they can also spread to other parts of the body. Therefore, RA affects the joints, skin, lungs, kidneys, blood vessels, heart, and other systemic tissues. In addition, the disorder leads to destruction of the ankylosis and cartilage lining the joints. It also causes nodular lesions on the skin and diverse inflammatory reactions on different systemic tissues (Majithia Geraci, 2007, p. 937). The clinical diagnosis of RA involves physical examination of symptoms, blood tests, x-ray radiographic imaging, and other differential diagnoses, which are aimed at distinguishing the symptoms of RA from other disorders. Moreover, the pathogenesis of RA entails proliferation and fibrosis of cells; the destruction of cartilage and bones; and pannus formation. These changes are caused by the activities of proteolytic enzymes, cytokines, and prostanoids in the synovial region (Majithia Geraci, 2007, p. 937). Here, inflammation is mediated by Tumor Necrosis Factor-alpha and Interleukin-1 (IL-1), which are the most notable pro-inflammatory cytokines in the disease process of RA. The two cytokines enhance the production of other inflammatory elements such as nitric oxide (NO) and prostaglandin E2 (PGE2). However, IL-1 has shown prominence in the pathogenesis of RA. Initial IL-1 release stimulates osteoblasts, synoviocytes, and chondrocytes. The cells take part in the inflammatory reactions, bone destruction, and pannus formation. Furthermore, the inflammatory reactions elevate the secretion of IL-1 relative to the progress of the disease. In addition, IL-1 stimulates the movement of neutrophils into the synovial region; the production and differentiation of lymphocytes; and finally the activation of macrophages. Additional IL-1 production leads to severe erosion of bone and cartilage, produces pain, and impairs tissue repair (Majithia Geraci, 2007). Lastly, Rheumatoid arthritis can be treated using medications such as analgesics, steroids, and disease-modifying antirheumatic drugs (DMARDs). In addition, non-pharmacological therapies such as physical therapy and nutritional therapy can halt the development of the disease. Conversely, the prognosis of RA shows varied symptoms in different patients such as disabilities, poor prognostic factors, and sometimes death (Majithia Geraci, 2007, p. 939). Guillain-Barre Syndrome (GBS) Scenario: A 33 years old man have a burning, sensitive, irritated sensation under his skin that spread throughout his arms and upper body over few months in the beginning of 2010. He noticed his sense of balance was lost. Then over a several weeks more symptoms presented themselves. His hands began to shake and tremor, his ears began buzzing, tickly in his left foot and the muscle spasms appeared, and muscle strength getting weak and pain grew in his thighs. His speech became jumbled and his left pupil dilated. Acute infections of the peripheral nervous system can cause an autoimmune reaction in response to the pathogens and the host tissues. These immune responses are targeted at pathogens such as bacteria and the influenza virus but instead they attack the gangliosides of the nerve tissues (Hughes et al., 1999). This is the basis of GBS, which leads to inflammatory demyelination of the nerves and multiple neuropathies. Consequently, GBS is characterized by impaired sense of position, paralysis, absence of fever, areflexia, and symmetrical weaknesses that begin with the legs and spread to the upper limbs and finally to the face. Conversely, analyses of the cerebrospinal fluid and electrodiagnostics provide important insights into the diagnosis of GBS. In addition, observable paralysis and areflexia can be used as the immediate indicators of GBS. However, additional differential diagnoses are important to distinguish the symptoms of GBS with other disorders such as the Motor Neuron Disease (Hughes et al., 1999, p. 74). The pathogenesis of GBS is associated with immune responses targeted at an acute infection. However, the pathogens involved in the infection contain epitopes resembling some components of the peripheral nervous system. Therefore, the immune reaction attacks the nerve components causing acute inflammation on the myelin sheath or the axon (Hughes et al., 1999). Furthermore, the inflammatory reactions cause severe demyelination in the nodes of Ranvier and nerve roots. These inflammatory reactions are mediated by both the cellular and humoral immune components such as activated T-lymphocytes, which invade the demyelinated regions and attract macrophages that destroy the nerve membranes. Additional demyelination is thus, mediated by the macrophages and components of the complement system. Lastly, the treatment of GBS entails providing supportive care for patients with paralyzed diaphragms and intravenous injections of immunoglobulin for stable patients. In addition, administration of plasmapheresis is recommended. Conversely, except for isolated cases of persistent areflexia, the prognosis of GBS shows that most patients begin recovering at the forth week after the onset and they can be completely healed after a few months or one year. Conclusion The essay presents a detailed discussion on two inflammatory conditions, which are caused by immune responses that target cells, tissues, and organs in the body. Therefore, the essay examines the etiology, clinical manifestations, diagnosis, pathogenesis, treatment, and the prognosis of Rheumatoid arthritis and Guillain-Barre Syndrome (GBS). From the discussions above, it can be deduced that inflammation is a serious complication, which occurs in the whole body or within a specific tissue and causes acute or chronic symptoms. However, most inflammatory conditions are treatable and preventable.

Workplace Promotion Research :: essays research papers

Workplace Promotion   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  In order to be promoted at work, it has always been said to put your best foot forward, strive to be the best, or always give 110%. Recent studies conducted by MSN, as well as references to books such as The Case for Marriage by Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher, state other influences can impact the chances of enhancing a career. The hypotheses made suggests that if you are too successful in your current position then you have less likely a change to be recognized for an advancement; married individuals seem to be happier in the workplace and tend to be more successful. Many individuals consider themselves hard workers and yet seem to be overlooked for promotions because they are too hard to replace. If these hypotheses are true, how can a single person elevate themselves within the company? Being visible by showing superiors you are reliable and on their team will increase the chances for a promotion. Working with individuals the supervisor is familiar with as well as showing you can be trusted are also important for moving up in the organization. A similar article in Career builder on MSN suggests that married individuals are favored by their employers and recognized for promotions. How can this be true? According to their study, married people have better mental health, live longer, and are 15% happier than single individuals. Married individuals are preferred over single individuals by employers since they tend to be happier, which leads to higher production.   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  It is difficult to fill a position of someone who is seen by the company as irreplaceable; individuals can easily be passed over for a promotion if they are superior in their current position.

Fool Chapter 18

EIGHTEEN KITTEN'S CLAWS We entered Castle Gloucester in stealth, which does not suit me, as you might guess. I am better suited to entering a room with a series of somersaults, a clack-stick, rude noise, and a â€Å"top o' the mornin' to ye, tossers!† I'm fitted out in bells and puppets, for fuck's sake. All this sneaking and subterfuge was wearing on me. I followed the Earl of Gloucester through a secret hatch in the stable and into a tunnel that passed under the moat. We waded through a foot of cold water in the dark, making for a slosh in my step as well as a jingle. I'd never fit Drool through the narrow passage, even if I could chase the dark with a torch. The tunnel opened through another hatch in the floor of the dungeon. The earl took his leave in the very torture chamber where I had met Regan. â€Å"I'm off to arrange the passage for your master to Dover, fool. I still have a few servants who are true to me.† I felt indebted to the old man for helping me into the castle, especially given his former bitterness toward me. â€Å"Steer clear of the bastard, your grace. I know he is your favored son, but not rightly so. He's a villain.† â€Å"Don't disparage Edmund, fool. I know your conniving ways. Only last evening he stood with me in protest against Cornwall's treatment of the king.† I could tell Gloucester about the letter I'd forged in Edgar's hand, about the bastard's plan to usurp his brother, but what could he do? Likely he'd storm into Edmund's quarters and the bastard would murder him on the spot. â€Å"Right, then,† said I. â€Å"Be careful, my lord. Cornwall and Regan are a four-fanged viper, and if they should turn their venom on Edmund, you must let him go. Do not come to his aid, lest you, too, are scratched with poisonous pricks.† â€Å"My last true son. Shame on you, fool,† said the earl. He scoffed and hurried out of the dungeon and up the stairs. I thought to prevail upon one god or another to protect the old man, but if the gods were working in my favor, they would continue unbidden, and if they opposed, there was no need to alert them to my cause. It pained me, but I took off my shoes and hat and tucked them into my jerkin to still the bells. Jones had remained back at the hovel with Lear. The laundry lay in the lower levels of the castle, so I made my way there first. The laundress with the aforementioned knockers of the smashing persuasion was hanging a basketload of shirts by the fire when I entered. â€Å"Where's Drool, love?† I asked. â€Å"Hidden,† she said. â€Å"I know he's bloody hidden, otherwise asking would have been superfluous, wouldn't it?† â€Å"Just want me to give him up, then? How do I know you're not out to kill him? That old knight who brought him here said not to let anyone know where he was.† â€Å"But I'm here to get him out of the castle. Rescue him, as it were.† â€Å"Aye, you say that, but – â€Å" â€Å"Listen, you bloody tart, give up the git!† â€Å"Emma,† said the laundress. I sat down on the hearth and rested my head in my hands. â€Å"Love, I've spent the night in a storm with a witch and two raving nutters. I've a brace of wars to see to, as well as the summary violation of two princesses and consequent cuckolding of a pair of dukes. I'm heartbroken, aggrieved for the loss of a friend, and the great drooling lummox that is my apprentice is evidently wandering the castle in search of a mortal chest wound. Pity a fool, love – another non sequitur may dash my brittle sanity to splinters.† â€Å"My name is Emma,† said the laundress. â€Å"I'm right here, Pocket,† said Drool, standing up in the great cauldron. A pile of laundry on his head had been concealing his great empty melon as he lurked in the water. â€Å"Knockers hided me. She's a love.† â€Å"You see,† said Emma. â€Å"He keeps calling me Knockers.† â€Å"It's a compliment, love.† â€Å"It's disrespectful,† she said. â€Å"My name's Emma.† I will never understand women. The laundress, it would seem, dressed in a manner that accentuated, indeed, celebrated her bosoms – a tightly cinched waist pushing bits up until they bloomed out of a swooping neckline – yet a chap notices and the lady takes offense. I will never understand it. â€Å"You know he's a complete nitwit, don't you, Emma?† â€Å"Just the same.† â€Å"Fine. Drool, apologize to Emma for saying how smashing her knockers are.† â€Å"Sorry about your knockers,† said Drool, bowing his head so his laundry hat dropped back into the drink. â€Å"Satisfied, Emma?† I asked. â€Å"I suppose.† â€Å"Good. Now, do you know where Captain Curan, the commander of King Lear's knights might be?† â€Å"Oh yes,† said Emma. â€Å"Lord Edmund and the duke consulted me this morning on all the military matters, as they are wont to do – me being a laundress and having access to all the best bloody tactics and strategies and the lot.† â€Å"Sarcasm will make your tits fall off,† said I. â€Å"Will not,† said she, her arm going to a support position. â€Å"It's a known fact,† I said, nodding earnestly, then looking to Drool, who also nodded earnestly and said, â€Å"It's a known fact,† note for note in my voice. â€Å"That's bloody spooky.† Emma shuddered. â€Å"You lot can get out of my laundry.† â€Å"Very well, then,† said I. I motioned for Drool to climb out of the cauldron. â€Å"I thank you for looking after the Natural, Emma. I wish there were something I could – â€Å" â€Å"Kill Edmund,† she said. â€Å"Pardon?† â€Å"The son of a guild builder were going to marry me before I came to work here. A respected man. Edmund took me against my will and bragged about it in the village. My lad wouldn't have me then. No one worth his salt will have me, except the bastard, and him whenever he wants. ‘Tis Edmund who commanded that I wear this low frock. Says he'll set me out with the pigs if I don't give him service. Kill him for me.† â€Å"But lass, I'm just a fool. A clown. A small one at that.† â€Å"There's more to you than that, you black-hatted rascal. I've seen them wicked daggers at your back, and I can see who's pulling the strings round this castle, and it ain't the duke or the old king. Kill the bastard.† â€Å"Edmund beated me,† said Drool. â€Å"And she do have smashing knockers.† â€Å"Drool!† â€Å"Well, she do.† â€Å"All right, then,† said I, taking the laundress's hand. â€Å"But in time. We've things to accomplish first.† I bowed over her hand, kissed it, then turned on my heel and padded barefoot out of the laundry to set history. â€Å"Heinous fuckery,† Drool whispered to the laundress with a wink. I hid Drool in the gatehouse among the heavy chains that I had used for my escape when I pursued Lear into the storm. Getting the lummox up on the wall and to the gatehouse undetected was no small task, and he left a dripping trail on the stones until we gained the castle exterior, but the guard was light in the tempest, so most of the way we went across the top of the walls unseen. My feet felt as if they'd been set in ice by the time I came back in to a fire, but there was no other way. Drool in the tight space of the secret tunnel, with his fear of the dark was not something I would wish on an enemy. I found a woolen blanket and wrapped the lout in it to await my return. â€Å"Guard my shoes and my satchel, Drool.† I made my way, dodging from nook to cranny, through the kitchen, to the servants' entrance into the great hall, hoping I might get a moment with Regan there. The hall's massive fireplace would be an enticement for the princess on such a frigid day, for as much as she took to the activities of a dungeon, she was drawn to heat like a cat. Because Castle Gloucester had no curtain wall, even the great hall was fitted with arrow loops, so the edifice might be defended at all levels from an attack by water. The arrow loops, while shuttered, were notoriously drafty, so arrases[40] were hung over the alcoves against the wind – the perfect place for a fool to watch, warm himself, and find his moment. I slipped into the room behind a brace of serving girls and into the alcove nearest the fireplace. She was there, by the fire, in a heavy, hooded, black fur robe, only her face revealed to the world. I pulled the tapestry aside and was about to call to her when the latch was thrown on the hall's main doors and the Duke of Cornwall entered, wearing his usual finery with the red lion crest on his chest, but more pointedly, Lear's crown – the one the old man had thrown on the table that fateful night at the White Tower. Even Regan seemed startled to see it on the head of her husband. â€Å"My lord, is it prudent to wear the crown of Britain when our sister is still in the castle?† â€Å"Right, right, we must keep up appearances as if we don't know that Albany raises an army against us.† Cornwall took the crown off and hid it under a cushion by the hearth. â€Å"I am to meet Edmund here and lay a plan for the duke's undoing. One hopes that your sister can be kept out of harm's way.† Regan shrugged. â€Å"If she throws herself under destiny's hooves, who are we to save her brains from being pulped?† Cornwall took her in his arms and kissed her passionately. Oh lady, thought I, push him away lest you debase your lovely lips with villainy. Then it occurred to me, and perhaps rather later than it should have, that she would no more taste villainy than a garlic eater will taste the stinking rose on another. The lady had evil on her breath already. Even as the duke held her tight and professed his adoration of her, she wiped her mouth on her sleeve behind his back. She pushed the duke away when the bastard Edmund entered the hall. â€Å"My lord,† said Edmund, only nodding to Regan. â€Å"Our plans for Albany must be delayed. Look at this letter.† The duke took the parchment from Edmund. â€Å"What?† said Regan. â€Å"What, what, what?† â€Å"France has landed forces. He knows of unrest between ourselves and Albany and has hidden forces in coastal cities all over Britain.† Regan snatched the parchment out of Cornwall's hand and read it for herself. â€Å"This is addressed to Gloucester.† Edmund bowed in false contrition. â€Å"Aye, milady, I found it in his closet and brought it here as soon as I saw its contents.† â€Å"Guard!† called Cornwall. The great doors opened and a soldier looked in. â€Å"Bring me the Earl of Gloucester. Give no deference to his title, he is a traitor.† I looked for a way back to the kitchen, to perhaps find Gloucester and warn him of the bastard's treachery, but Edmund faced the alcove where I was hiding and there was no getting out undiscovered. I opened the shutter to the arrow loop. Even if I could manage to wiggle through it, the wall was a sheer drop to the lake below. I palmed the shutter closed and latched it. The latch on the main doors clanked again and I returned to the gap between the wall and the tapestry, from which I saw Goneril enter, trailed by two soldiers who held Gloucester by the arms. The old man looked as if he had given up already and hung between the soldiers like a drowned man. â€Å"Hang him,† said Regan, turning to warm her hands by the fire. â€Å"What is this?† said Goneril. Cornwall handed her the letter and stood looking over her shoulder while she read. â€Å"Pluck out his eyes,† she said, making an effort not to look at Gloucester. Cornwall took the letter gently from her hand and put his hand on her shoulder in brotherly support. â€Å"Leave him to our displeasure, sister. Edmund, keep our sister company and see her safely home. Lady, tell your duke we must unite against this foreign force. We'll send dispatches quickly between us. Go now, Earl of Gloucester, you do not want to see the dealings with this traitor.† Edmund couldn't conceal a smile upon being addressed by the title he had lusted after for so many years. â€Å"I will,† said Edmund. He offered his arm to Goneril, who took it. They started out of the hall. â€Å"No!† said Regan. Everyone stopped. Cornwall stepped between Regan and her sister. â€Å"Lady, now is the time when we must all be united against the foreign power.† Regan gritted her teeth and turned back to the fire, waving them away. â€Å"Go.† Edmund and Goneril left the hall. â€Å"Bind him to that chair, then leave us,† Cornwall commanded his soldiers. They tied the old earl to a heavy chair and stood back. â€Å"You are my guests,† said Gloucester. â€Å"Do me no foul play.† â€Å"Filthy traitor,† said Regan. She took the letter from her husband and threw it in the old man's face. She grabbed a pinch of Gloucester's beard and yanked it out. The earl yowled. â€Å"So white, and such a traitor,† she said. â€Å"I am no traitor. I am loyal to my king.† She pulled another pinch from his beard. â€Å"What letters do you have late from France? What is their plan?† Gloucester looked at the parchment on the floor. â€Å"I have only that.† Cornwall charged up to Gloucester and pulled the old man's head back by the back of his hair. â€Å"Speak now, to whose hands have you sent the lunatic king? We know you've sent him aid.† â€Å"To Dover. I sent him to Dover. Only a few hours ago.† â€Å"Why Dover?† said Regan. â€Å"Because I would not see your cruel nails pluck out his old eyes or your sister tear his flesh with her boarish fangs. Because there are those who would care for him there. Not put him out in the storm.† â€Å"He lies,† said Regan. â€Å"There's a smashing torture chamber in the dungeon, shall we?† But Cornwall would not wait. In a second he was sitting astraddle the old man and was digging his thumb into Gloucester's eye socket. Gloucester screamed until his voice broke and there was a sickening pop. I reached for one of my throwing daggers. The main door to the hall cracked and heads popped up in the stairwell from the kitchen. â€Å"Why Dover?† said Regan. â€Å"Thou carrion bird!† said Gloucester with a cough. â€Å"Thou she-devil, I'll not say.† â€Å"Then you'll not see light again,† said Cornwall, and he was on the old man again. I would not have it. I drew back my dagger to cast it, but before I could, a band like ice encircled my wrist and I looked to see the girl ghost right beside me, staying my throw, in fact, paralyzing me. I could move only my eyes to look back on the horror playing out in the great hall. Suddenly a boy brandishing a long butcher knife ran out of the kitchen stairwell and leapt on the duke. Cornwall stood and tried to draw his sword, but could not get it clear of the scabbard before the boy was on him, plunging the knife into his side. As the lad pulled back to stab again Regan drew a dagger from the sleeve of her robe and plunged it into the boy's neck, then stepped back from the spray of blood. The boy clawed at his neck and fell. â€Å"Away!† Regan shrieked, waving the dagger at the servants in the kitchen stairwell and the main door and they all disappeared like frightened mice. Cornwall climbed unsteadily to his feet and plunged his sword into the boy's heart. Then he sheathed his sword and felt his side. His hand came away bloody. â€Å"Serves you right, you scurvy vermin,† said Gloucester. With that Cornwall was on him again. â€Å"Out, foul jelly!† he shouted, digging his thumb into the earl's good eye, but in that instant Regan's dagger snapped down and took the eye. â€Å"Don't trouble yourself, my lord.† Gloucester passed out then from the pain and hung limp in his bonds. Cornwall stood and kicked the old man's chest, knocking him over backward. The duke looked on Regan with adoring eyes, filled with the warmth and affection that can only come from watching your wife dirk another man's eye out on your behalf, evidently. â€Å"Your wound?† said Regan. Cornwall held his arm out to his wife and she walked into his embrace. â€Å"It glanced across my ribs. I'll bleed some and it pains me, but if bound, it'll not be mortal.† â€Å"Pity,† said Regan, and she plunged her dagger under his sternum and held it as his heart's blood poured over her snowy-white hand. The duke seemed somewhat surprised. â€Å"Bugger,† he said, then he fell. Regan wiped her dagger and her hands on his tunic. She sheathed the blade in her sleeve, then went to the cushion where Cornwall had hidden her father's crown, pulled back her hood, and fitted it on her head. â€Å"Well, Pocket,† said the Duchess, without turning to the alcove where I was hidden. â€Å"How does it fit?† I was somewhat surprised (although somewhat less so than the duke). The ghost released me then, and I stood behind the tapestry, my knife still poised for the throw. â€Å"You'll grow into it, kitten,† said I. She looked to my alcove and grinned. â€Å"Yes, I will, won't I? Did you want something?† â€Å"Let the old man go,† I said. â€Å"King Jeff of France has landed his army at Dover, that's why Gloucester sent Lear there. You'd be wise to set a camp farther south. Rally your forces, with Edmund's and Albany's at the White Tower, perhaps.† The great doors creaked and a head peeked in, a helmeted soldier. â€Å"Send for a physician,† Regan called, trying to sound distressed. â€Å"My lord has been wounded. Throw his attacker on the dung heap and cast this traitor out the front gate. He can smell his way to Dover and his decrepit king.† In a moment the chamber was filled with soldiers and servants and Regan walked out, casting one last look and a sly smile to my hiding place. I have no idea why she left me alive. I suspect it's because she still fancied me. I slipped out through the kitchen and made my way back to the gatehouse. The ghost stood over Drool, who was cowering under his blanket in the corner. â€Å"Come on, you lovely brute, give us a proper snog.† â€Å"Leave him be, wisp!† said I, although she was nearly as solid as a mortal woman. â€Å"Balls up[41] your jaunty murdering for the day, did I, fool?† â€Å"I might have saved the old man's second eye.† â€Å"You wouldn't have.† â€Å"I might have sent Regan to join her duke in whatever hell he inhabits.† â€Å"No, you wouldn't have.† Then she held up a ghostly finger, cleared her throat, and rhymed: â€Å"When a second sibling's base derision, Proffers lies that cloud the vision, And severs ties that families bind, Shall a madman rise to lead the blind.† â€Å"You've said that one, already.† â€Å"I know. Bit prematurely, too. Sorry. I think you'll find it much more relevant now. Even a slow git like yourself can solve the riddle now, I reckon.† â€Å"Or you could just fucking tell me what it means,† said I. â€Å"Sorry, can't do it. Ghostly mystery and whatnot. Ta.† And with that she faded away through the stone wall. â€Å"I dinna shag the ghost, Pocket,† wailed Drool. â€Å"I dinna shag her.† â€Å"I know, lad. She's gone. Get up now, we've got to monkey down the drawbridge chains and find the blind earl.†